June 2012
2 posts
this blog has more followers than my main blogwhat te fuck
1 tag
Since the start of the BTWB, Luc Carl has been following Lady Gaga, hoping to rekindle his romance with her. After countless nights of stalking, Luc corners Gaga. “It’s me, Luc Carl,” he cries out to her in desperation. “Luc who?” Gaga asks with genuine confusion. She doesn’t wait for his response. She walks away with her bodyguards and the paparazzi following...
February 2012
1 post
A waterfall of tears pours down Luc Carl’s fat cheek as someone acknowledges his existence by yelling to him, “go kill yourself, you fat loser!”
September 2011
15 posts
1 tag
Luc Carl sighs a deep sigh as he clicks on the “follow” button on @kingluccarl’s twitter. A tear slowly moves down his face. Luc cannot believe that he is following the very person who has been tourturing him and making fun of him for so long.
Anonymous asked: You complete me :')
inthemiddlewithhiddles asked: My God, you are a total legend.
Anonymous asked: ü are perfect to me lüc
anti-mimesis asked: dnt b insceure if ur heartt iz paure
vaginaless-deactivated20120403 asked: Oh my gosh. I miss ü. Haven't seen yoür posts on my dash in forever. I love ü <3
Anonymous asked: My fish GaGa died :'(
3 tags
While scrolling through Twitter on his stolen MacBook Pro, Luc Carl sees a photo of his one and only true love Lady Gaga with a handsome and somewhat familiar man: Taylor Kinney. Luc tries to fight back his tears, but it is no use. He erupts in a sea of teardrops. While crying for his mother, Luc looks and sounds like a fat baby who awoke in the middle of the night.
Luc whispers through sobs:...
Anonymous asked: have you ever seen twitter(.)com/adviceluc?
5 tags
Luc Carl logs onto his old, bulky, dirty desktop computer from 1999. It is incredibly virus-ridden from all the porn videos he downloaded. Like always, Luc is in a crappy mood. In order to cheer himself up, Luc Carl tries to set his desktop background as the one person whom he loves the most: himself. Luc tries over and over again just to change his background, but it never works. After numerous...
ladygaga420 asked: rt rt rt
futuisindiem asked: By far funniest blog I have ever read
9 tags
Luc Carl looks at his weave in his small, stained, and cracked mirror. It is scratchy and old. The color does not match the color of his real hair. People have told Luc that his weave was cheap and old. Tears come to Luc’s eyes as he realizes something. “I have so much in common with my weave”.
1 tag
shutupimthinking reblogged your post: The real Luc Carl picks up his small, outdated…
I AM PEEING. I AM LAUGHING SO HARD, I AM JUST PEEING. JUST WADDLING AROUND PEEING EVERYWHERE. IN ALL THE CORNERS OF THE ROOM. ON MY CATS
It’s comments like this that make my job worthwhile.
Anonymous asked: i love you lets have sex
7 tags
Lüc Carl stood on the edge of the Brooklyn Bridge, watching his bike fall into the water. The end had come and he was ready to go, tired of living life known as “the Weave Monster”. He slowly took out a pair of scissors and chopped off the rest of his hair, watching it fall on the wind. Just as Lüc was about to jump into the water, a figure in black appeared with a bright silver...
8 tags
Luc Carl, hungover after waking up from a night of debauchery with Lady Gaga look-a-likes, found himself wandering the streets of NYC looking for any soul who would listen to his problems. He looked horrible, his hair was a ratty mess, he was starting to grow a pedo-beard and stache, and he smelled like days old cheese. He came across a feisty, young blonde who sat on an alley sofa, making herself...
8 tags
Luc Carl is lying in his bed. From afar, one may mistake him for a large sack of potatoes. He is sobbing while listening to the pop star he secretly idolizes - Britney Spears.
“My loneliness is killing me,” Britney sings.
Upon hearing that line, Luc weeps harder than before.
He yells out to the world, “Godney is the only person who understands how I feel”.
August 2011
47 posts
7 tags
The real Luc Carl picks up his small, outdated Razor cellphone and with shaking hands, calls someone who he thinks will befriend him. Right before leaving a message, Luc gulps. His heart is about to beat right out of his chest. “I-is anyone there?” Luc asks nervously. “It’s L-Luc. Luc Carl. I’m lonely”, he says, “you are the only friend I have left”....
Anonymous asked: Jo, GaGa, and Stefani are in my bed. You get in my bed too
Anonymous asked: ha luc is me agag and u suk asshole. lol jo licks my crack betta dan u so go fuk urself assho. i still got the heals on. xoxox agag.
Anonymous asked: sex plz
3 tags
As Luc Carl slowly looks around his government-owned apartment, he sees that it is filled to the brim with copies of his book, The Drunk Diet. He has heard that the book had sold out in all stores. “I am a success,” Luc whispers whispers as tears brim from his eyes, “I’ve done it”. Luc slowly takes his small wallet out of his pocket, and with quivering hands he opens...
loveneedshope asked: Your blog completes me. It's so awesome!
11 tags
Luc Carl is on the line in McDonald’s, ordering a burger from the Dollar Menu. As the cashier asks him for a mere one dollar, Luc is sure that he can afford it. Without hesitation, he opens his light wallet, and is mortified by what he sees: nothing. Trying to cover the tears running down is face, Luc runs out of the restaurant while thinking, “I’m not good enough for...
11 tags
In the dark, moldy, messy cavern of a livingroom he calls his home, Lüc Carl takes the last swig of the last Keystone Light in his house. He sighs and flicks on the tv. MTV comes on, and the first thing he hears is Jo Calderone saying, “Hey. My name is Jo Calderone. And I was an asshole. Gaga? Yeah her - Lady Gaga. She left me.” Tears come to his eyes as he whispers to himself,...
Anonymous asked: Hai. Dis is da rel luc carl. i iz so mortifyed @ da fakt dat u folowe meh arund and post my personal stuff, it hurts mah ffeelinz. i iz now cryin iholden my hello kity fan club membership in muh hand, as it is the only thing i have left. plz stap stlking me, but if u could ask ur folowerz to make donations to da "find luc carl a new cardboard box/home foundation"
king-luccarl-deactivated2012022 asked: u maid meh looze controle of mey lyf
8 tags
Luc Carl makes his way to the one place he dreaded the most: the barber shop. He figured that cutting off his luxurious, long locks would make him a better man. He faces the legally blind immigrant hairdresser.
“Chop it off,” Luc whispers dramatically,”chop it all off”.
7 tags
After a long night of drinking at a cheap Mexican bar, Luc Carl makes his way home, stumbling. Once he gets on his street, he cannot find his home. Luc’s palms start to sweat and he feels dizzy. He softly whispers, “My cardboard box is gone”. He collapses onto the cold, dark pavement and quickly falls asleep.
8 tags
One night, while drunk off of two dollar beers and full of dollar-store nachos, Lüc Carl took a break from his strenuous day of doing nothing to check his twitter followers. He had noticed a great decline since falling out with Lady Gaga, the only one who brought him real notice, but he was grateful for the ones he still had.
With five followers left, he sent them all messages of love...
vactivity asked: OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU
gagaruinedmylife-deactivated201 asked: please let this blog never end
8 tags
After being fired from his gig on Sirius XM’s Hair Nation, Luc Carl was at a dead end. The pain of being unemployed for the 12th time stabbed at him like a rusty knife. He decides to go for a run to cool his aching nerves. After barely making it through two blocks, he collapses on the side of the street. He looks up, sees a half-eaten hot dog on the ground, picks it up and without hesitation...
6 tags
While watching the VMAs on his old T.V. from the 90s, Luc Carl is violently masturbating to a poster of Britney Spears on his dark and dirty wall. Suddenly, he hears Lady Gaga talking about how she has touched herself to Britney Spears. Luc tries to fight tears of joy from falling down his face. “My girlfriend really gets me,” he whispers. Then, Luc realizes something. He turns off the...
Anonymous asked: I want to have sex with your blog
8 tags
Luc stumbles through New York, drunk out of his mind. In the corner of his eye he sees Lady Starlight and a few other members of the Rivington Rebels. He staggers up to her, looks deep in her eyes and in desperation, he pleads on his knees,
‘Colleen, I beg you, HELP ME!’
She looks harshly at his disheveled, unwashed hair then spits in his face.
‘You’re dead to me.’
Anonymous asked: RT RT RT RT RT RT
Anonymous asked: fucking golden
psychanel-deactivated20120521 asked: YOUR BLOG IS MY GOD
jeffreydahmmit asked: This blog deserves an award. Seriously omg
9 tags
As Luc sits alone in his apartment in the projects, he drinks the last sip of expired Jameson left in the bottle. He looks all around him and sees mice in the 5 old pizza boxes, 7 empty bottles of Jameson, 3 crumpled dollars on the floor and the manuscript for The Drunk Diet that the editor sent back to him with a huge red “X” on it. Luc Carl gets up and shuffles to the fridge, and...
7 tags
Sitting in his dark apartment with Hurricane Irene raging in the swirling vortex of cloud and sky above, Luc Carl silently mulls over what he should do next. He’s bored and depressed, after all, he has no Internet connection, no one would brave this ferocious weather for a drink in his bar and all the already-printed copies of Drunk Diet have been soaked through. He decides to stand up and walk to...
9 tags
Luc Carl is still waiting for a phone call from a friend. The only thing keeping him company is a bottle of whiskey. His hair is matted and greasy, as usual, but his face is as red as a tomato after an earlier incident with his mother. He is rocking back and forth in the dark. The phone rings for the first time in hours. He picks it up. “Gaga, izzat you?” Luc asks in a slurred speech....
8 tags
Luc Carl sheds a tear as he walks alone down the wet streets of New York City because He realized his book career was not going anywhere. He finally gets to St. Jerome’s bar and immediately falls to the floor and begs the owner to hire him back because his fall back career of semi-pro bowler wasn’t working out either. He looks at the owner with a tear running down his stubbly face as...
New URL, from Luccarl-forever to luccarlchronicals
8 tags
Luc Carl sits in his 600 sq ft apartment in the Brooklyn projects while anxiously waiting for a call from his friends or Gaga. He has been sitting in the same spot for over twelve hours. Finally, the phone rings and Luc hastily grabs the phone. He is excited “Hello????????”
“LUC, DON’T YOU DARE EVER COME BACK INTO MY HOUSE AGAIN”.
It was Luc’s beloved mother....
